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Self-Love: How Changing Negative Self-Talk Helps You Succeed (and Heal)


“I just never feel that I am good enough.” 

“I feel like a failure.”

“I hate myself.”

“I don’t ever stand up for myself.”

“I have made so many mistakes.”

“I will never be able to be better than I am today.”

Do you relate to these statements? If so, you aren’t alone. In my work helping people to break negative patterns and achieve their goals, I would say 90% of my clients have uttered something along these lines. Worse, low self-esteem is at the heart of many, many of the issues they have, whether they are dealing with negative life experiences or have difficult health issues, such as ulcers, kidney stones, or gaining weight in the stomach.  

While feelings of low self-worth are enormously prevalent, the truth is that most of us hide it fairly well. Sure, there will be times when these kinds of thoughts will actually be voiced to someone else, but more often than not, you injure yourself in private, only allowing the inner bully to beat you up in your mind. Unfortunately, a lot of harm is done this way. After all, the more that you put yourself down, the more you believe it. The more you believe it, the more you will continue to attract self-defeating and self-sabotaging experiences. 

First, to find out how much of a habit negative self-talk is, I would like you to look into a mirror (or just think about looking into a mirror). What are the first thoughts that come to your mind? Are they loving thoughts? Or do you begin to nitpick at yourself, thinking about how you look awful, have wrinkles, are too fat, or whatever other horrible things you might say to yourself?

If you are like so many I have worked with, I am guessing the negative voices overtake the positive ones every time. 

Now ask yourself, “What experiences am I avoiding because I don’t feel good enough?” “How am I holding myself back in life?” “What relationships in my life reinforce my negative feelings about myself?”

And finally, “How would my life be different if I felt really, really good about myself?”

The answer to these questions will show you how important it is to develop a healthy sense of self-worth, as the life you live now is likely quite different from the one you would be living if you felt truly confident.

The good news is that helping people to build their self-confidence in order to go after the life of their dreams is a passion of mine! On this site, you will find a treasure chest of effective resources, exercises, and articles that will help you to build true confidence and feel like a new, improved, more self-assured version of yourself.

All of these resources will help you to feel more confident in all areas of your life, however, you must take the time to actually do the exercises and questions. After all, you likely have held negative beliefs about yourself for most of your life, so it does take time and work to get rid of them.

However, the small amount of work that this involves pays a big payout: You will feel more confident, attract better relationships, feel safer in any situation, be healthier and happier, and be able to truly go after the life of your dreams without reservation. 

Sounds good? Alright, then don’t waste anymore time feeling like you are less than you are. Get going on becoming the confident, empowered person you were meant to be!

Do you know someone that would benefit from reading this article? Please share the love and share it...much gratitude to you for doing so!! 


Tara's Questions for Positive Change: 

  1. What are the most negative things you say about yourself? Can you remember when you began to feel that way? Did someone in your life use those words to criticize you? 
  2. In what ways are you holding yourself back because you don’t feel good enough? 
  3. Have you had relationships where you were emotionally, physically, or verbally abused? How did this experience change your feelings about yourself? Please note: If you are in an abusive relationship now, please see our “crisis center” for links to resources to help you to leave the situation. Also, please feel free to ask to be connected to a therapist or other clinician to assist you. Remember, you are not alone. You can find help - just ask.
  4. How would your life be different right now if you felt really, really good about yourself? Write down this vision of your empowered life. Keep this vision with you (in a private location) and read it daily as inspiration to continue doing the work to build your self-confidence.