I remember a time when I was going through so much that I truly thought I would break. We had gone through our 4th or 5th failed adoption, and we had to put our beloved dog of 16 years to sleep due to an extremely fast-growing cancer that gave us just days to figure out what to do (and there was no treatment possible).
I am a person who tries to always see the bright side of things. I always look for the lesson. I always believe that even bad things are leading me to something better.
But, in that moment, I hit rock bottom. My faith shattered. My heart was broken in a way I felt was permanent. I had picked myself up and brushed myself off so many times, and I truly felt in that moment that I could not do it again. The weight of the sorrow of all of that loss was overwhelming.
I called people in my life who I believed would be supportive (and who I endlessly support), and, for perhaps the first time in my life, I said, "I am broken. I truly need help."
I'm not sure I've ever said those words before, and it was difficult to even speak them.
Their response? "You are a strong person; you'll make it through."
Not, "What can I do to help?" Not, "How can I take some of this burden?" Not, "I'm hopping on a plane and flying down there to take you in my arms and hold you up for a while..." (something I had done repeatedly for them).
And then, I didn't hear from any of them for 14 days.
And that is when I realized that, when a group unit - be it a family or friends - is used to one person being "the strong one," they cannot handle that person faltering. As a result, the strong person is never allowed to break or to need help.
And it is EXHAUSTING. So, please - check on your "strong" friends. Ask them if they need anything, and listen. Then help. Let them know that they are loved, supported, and appreciated.
If you are strong person who is dealing with pain or disease, and you’d like support and love to get through it, check out my course, Body Language: Deciphering Your Body’s Clues so You Can Heal. In there, you will get personal support from me with weekly calls, as well as understand and heal the core reasons for your pain or illness, empowering your personal strength and your best life.
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