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What’s in a Cold Shoulder? The Mind-Body Message Behind Frigid Sensations and Pain

cold shoulder.jpg

I’ve been doing this mind-body work for years, but the varied ways the body speaks about what’s off in the mind, body, and life never ceases to amaze me. 

Case in point: This past weekend was the first class of my Body Language Master Class, where I teach others to understand the messages the body is sending them in the form of pain, discomfort, lumps, bumps, and rashes. 

As we were going through the various ways that pain speaks to us, I mentioned that when you figure out the message the body is trying to convey with the pain, the pain usually ceases. It’s like the body is the smart kid in class going “Oh! Oh! OH! I know!!” while waving her hand wildly in the air, trying to get the teacher’s attention so she can give the answer. Once the child is allowed to speak, she’s satisfied that someone listened to her, and calms back down into her seat. Pain is the same; listen to what it has to say, and it will settle down. 

At that moment, one of the students asked what a cold feeling on the shoulder might mean. As usual, I asked several questions to be able to hone in on the issue: 

“What side is it on?”

She rubbed her left shoulder.

I nodded. “Okay, what’s it feel like exactly? Describe it to me.” 

“It’s like this frigid chilly feeling.” 

“And when did it start?”

“Oh….” she drifted in to her own thoughts. “It’s been there for years and years…maybe almost my whole life.”  

This particular woman was really “getting” what I’d been teaching about translating the body’s language into a message you can understand, so she said, “Could it be that I’ve given the cold shoulder to others? Or had the cold shoulder given to me?” 

I responded, “Yes, it likely is. And, because it’s on the left, it’s likely a long-standing pattern with woman in your life.” 

She said, “Yeah, that makes sense. But how do I know if it’s because of me giving the cold shoulder or being given the cold shoulder?”

I pointed out that if she felt it had the possibility that it was both, then it was likely a pattern of not having supportive, safe relationships with women in her life, perhaps since childhood. Because of that, it was probably her giving the cold shoulder in self-defense or spite so she wouldn’t be hurt, AND it was likely that she was still hurt over the cold shoulder being given to her. I suggested that the best course of action was for her to journal about when in her life she experienced both those aspects and try to get it out of her. Then, she needed to start shifting that patterns with affirming statements that would retrain her mind to believe she deserved and could attract better women to her life. 

With the issue seemingly being solved, we went on to other subjects. 

About 20 minutes later, the same woman asked, “Uh, okay - so, the cold sensation is gone, but now I have a dull ache in that shoulder.” 

“Okay,” I said, “Has it moved at all?” 

She nodded. “Yes. It’s now more toward the back and going up the side of the neck.” 

I cannot tell you how often I see this pattern. Once the primary issue is solved, the body raises it’s hand again, seemingly saying, “Uh! Not done yet! Please take another look at this!”

In this case, the cold shoulder converting to a dull ache told me that it was a very deep, long-standing issue for her, and that there was a significant component of heartache from these encounters. In short, she was still very emotionally hurt by these issues.

In addition, the pain moving more to the back of the shoulder and up the neck was significant. It told me that the issue is very much around her not saying things she felt she wanted to say in those situations, and that she felt like she was stabbed in the back or that hurtful things were said behind her back. 

See how that works? Fascinating stuff. 

We talked that out and now she’s working on listening further and shifting those patterns. We’ll see in the next class if she’s been successful. 

Are you dealing with shoulder pain? Or pain anywhere in your body? Set up an healing session with me and get to the bottom of it and heal.